Lies we tell ourselves
Note from Mindy: This is an excerpt from the most recent entry from my journal; the one that inspired me to start this website. A lot of it is a pep talk to myself, but I hope that you hear the words and believe them for yourselves too. Enjoy.
I’m working through some things right now, doing an inner survey (inspired by Girl, Wash Your Face), rooting out lies that I’ve believed for ages. Lies that I’ve accepted and not challenged and that are coloring everything. What I fight for, or what I let pass by. What I base my decisions and dreams and basically everything from, without even thinking about whether it's really true.
One of those lies: Because you “messed up” and had a baby outside of marriage, because you’re a single mom….your life isn’t going to be as good.
- Your family is incomplete, you can’t really even call it a “family.”
- Things are going to be super hard, and you should feel like things are super hard. But you made your bed, now you have to lie in it.
- People are going to kinda feel sorry for you, but not necessarily let you into their club.
- If you do get married, you’re going to have a “blended” family, which is, again, not the “best.” It’ll be hard too.
- You’re definitely never going to have that perfect instagram kind of family.
You know what? It’s all a lie. We are a family. Me, Cash, Turbo, and Dagney. We can have family meetings. We can plan family trips. We can have family traditions. We. Are. A. Family.
I’m not any less of a mom, nor do I have to assume I'm going to have less or have to make major sacrifices because I’m single. We can do everything a two parent family would do. Family vacations. Christmas cards. All of it. (Actually we can do it easier and for less money.)
No one needs to feel sorry for you. You need help and a support network, but so does the mom down the street with a husband. We all need the same things; breaks, rest, friends, ect. Take it with gratitude, but don’t feel like you’re handicapped or something. And help other moms have it too. You’re fully part of the tribe.
You might just be an example though. You should set an example by not living into the stereotype. Stand strong, and shout to the rooftops how much you love parenting and your family and how blessed you are. Don’t be embarrassed, or feel like you should be ashamed, or that you'll never have an "ideal" family.