When should I share my point of view?
Before we even begin, I have to share that this is an ongoing area of learning for me, and that I can’t really write a post about this without telling you that most of my knowledge on this topic comes from my friendship with my life-long friend Britney. As far back as I can remember, she’s been the absolute best listener ever. Even though we have different beliefs, we both can talk about them openly, and ask questions and disagree…but she’s so kind and respectful. She asks the kind of questions that have me thinking about our conversation for days, and rarely does she say the words: “I think you should do this.” Even so, I have made lots of big life decisions as a result of our conversations. Recently when I was struggling with the concept of when it’s okay to share, and when it’s best to zip my lips, I went and asked her for advice. These are the conclusions I came to after our conversation.
When do I offer advice to someone?
WHEN THEY ASK. That’s it. The ONLY exception is when actual abuse is being done, like in the eyes of the law, particularly to a minor. These instances are really clear cut. Offering unsolicited advice “because I love them and am concerned” is not it.
What does this look like in practice?
If we’re speaking about the digital world, the conclusion I came to in my life, for now, is that social media isn’t really that place. That’s a big reason why I created the “Opinions” section on my blog in the first place. If you are determined enough to click all the way over to my blog, and open a post called “Critical Race Theory,” then that’s as good as asking me directly for my opinion.
What about Facebook? Isn’t it okay to share and post things on my own page? Sort of, I guess. A friend request was made and accepted at some point. You could choose to “unfollow.” But…the reason why you continue to follow me on Facebook is likely because you like pictures of my cute puppy, or funny quotes from my kid, not because you wanted to read a rant on the public school system.
What’s the protocol for real life? I’m trying to limit it to occasions when someone says the words “What do you think?” or maybe “What’s your advice for this situation?” Not if they are venting, or stressed, or just sharing.
I do think think there is some leeway in certain spaces, like if you are openly having a conversation about a topic, and it’s not necessarily personal. Like…you can discuss how you feel about spanking kids, as long as both people are having a discourse. This, of course, should not come up right after your friend just told you she spanks her kids.
Anything else?
The rule of thumb in any situation: BE KIND. As my friend Sarah puts it, “You should only share posts that encourage, never anything that hurts those that are different.” That nails it! I think a big key to that is focusing on why you chose your path, and not why you think the other path is wrong. So for instance, I would say, “I choose consent-based parenting because I want to give Cash the chance to learn to set his own bedtime now. I want him to be able to make mistakes and set boundaries when he’s young and in a safe space.” I would not say “I chose consent based parenting because I think authoritative parenting is insert a lot of negative attributes here.”