When something doesn't fit

I love everything about this picture so hard. It’s the view I have, right now, as I write this, and it fills my heart to overflowing. My sweet boy, in the in between. 

• His long-ish hair that he begged not to have to cut, a symbol of his individuality and growing independence.

• Playing Minecraft along with a YouTube video teaching him how to play Minecraft. He watches videos and learns about new servers and enlists my help sometimes but never gives up and is supremely confident that we can figure it out.

• The Teddy Bear that he’s had since he was born, casually sitting on his lap, unapologetically, because he doesn’t feel the need to hide that he really really loves that bear. 

It reminds me of how I always feel like I need to fit into a certain role. In this case, is Cash a big kid, or a little one? If he’s “big”, why the bear? If he’s “little” then why the computer, and why do I let him make his own grooming decisions? So many times we belong fully in the in between. 

• I fully love technology, and the big city and having a huge variety of shops of restaurants.

• I also love digging in the dirt, watching things bloom, and desperately want my own chickens. 

• I am loud and bossy and love meeting new people. 

• I also am introspective and need to get away, and just want to read a book. 

You don’t have to choose. The world will try and make you, force you, because you don’t fit into their mold. What they see doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t compute, you are making their brain work harder. They don’t want to work harder, so they punish you for not fitting. 

Here’s your daily reminder: You don’t have to listen.