School-day struggles
Honesty time. My kid really doesn’t like school. There. I said it. Coming from a girl who loves (and has always loved) to read, enjoys taking tests, and always basically liked going to school, it’s a little bit of a new territory to have a kid that is the complete opposite.
He doesn’t like to read. When he was a toddler, when I or the babysitter would read him a book, he would start fake snoring. Seriously. (He might get his dramatics from me, just a little). Because of his struggles with this, third grade has been rough so far.
We always struggle a little with the transition from being apart all summer, then almost immediately getting back into not only our routine, but a school routine. One that includes specific bedtimes and wake up calls and lost shoes and homework. This year it feels like we still haven’t quite made it to “normal.”
Third grade is the year when testing gets real. Their reading isn’t just saying the words out loud, but comprehending. And it seeps into every subject, including math (word problems, ugh). He’s feeling all the pressure, and it’s not been pretty.
I say this, not for advice or sympathy. I just wanted to share in case anyone else is here and feels alone in it. He comes home in bad moods sometimes. He has to work extra hard in class all day, then he works super hard at his after school martial arts class, and by the time he gets home after being “on” for 10 hours, sometimes he melts down. To be honest, it feels frustrating for me. I’m tired too after working all day and two hours of commute time. I snap at him sometimes when he talks to me in “that tone.” I get frustrated when he cries over something that feels ridiculous to me.
Last night, we had a talk about it and I told him that I felt like he was being dramatic, and it was making him sad, and as his mama, I don’t want him to ever be sad. I wanted to help. He told me, “Mom, sometimes after being happy at school, and karate…sometimes I’m just tired of being happy all day.” While it sounds a little funny being put like that, I get it.
We are their safe space, mamas. While I do need to help him learn how to guide his emotions, I am definitely going to see way more of them than anyone else, and thats how it should be. My job is to be there for him, help him learn how to navigate it, and be a place where he can rest and recharge. That means not planning anything right after pick ups on Friday nights, so he can come home and space out in front of the TV for a little bit. It means being a little more gentle in the way I ask him to do things, and actually stopping to help him. It means I stop rushing around and sit on the couch with him for a little while. It’s a lot of listening, to what he’s saying with his words and what he’s saying with his actions.
I tend to want to feel guilty. He asks every day for me to homeschool him so he can be with me all day. Oh how I wish I could. I don’t feel like he’s built for being in class 7 hours a day, then away from home another 3. Thinking about always having to be on, and dealing with all the drama of public school. I wonder how much he’s even able to learn some days, and if it’s even worth it. And this is 100% not about his teachers. He has been gifted with the most amazing teachers year after year…but they are dealing with 20+ kids at different levels and maturity and a huge variety of home lives. They can only do so much. I wish I could teach him myself, nurture his strengths and help him where he struggles during the weekday. But I can’t.
So…we push on. I give him some extra cuddles and bribe him to read to me. Surprise of the century; he actually has a favorite book now. We rest hard and we play hard and I’m working to find patience. It’s hard work, and sometimes I slip up and yell. But then I apologize and we start all over. And it’s okay because he knows I love him and this too shall pass.